Never give a Na'vi coffee
by RodeoRogue
Summary: Jake tries to explain caffeine to Neytiri by letting her try some. Little does he know the affect it will have. :P One-shot that popped into my head today. Read if you want a laugh


**I got this idea today while I was getting Starbucks with my friend after school today. It isn't meant to be perfect, just a little snippit. I don't want it to be perfect, cause I don't really care. I just think it's funny :P So, enjoy.**

"Jake?" Neytiri's voice broke the peaceful silence between them. They were sitting together by the river that flowed lazily around their new _Kelutral_, situated at the base of the thin waterfall coming from the dense forest.

He glanced over at her questioningly, and then looked down at their intertwined hands.

"Do you ever miss your old home?" She asked, a bit reluctant to bring up the topic. Her wide, golden eyes locked with his, and his words caught in his throat.

Finally, he managed to answer her. "Sometimes." He shrugged. "But then I think about how the planet was dying. I do miss my family… or what was left of it…"

"What do you mean?" Neytiri pressed on, eager to understand the life he came from.

"Well, my brother was killed," He chuckled mirthlessly, and then added, "This was his body. It was always him that was supposed to be here." Before Neytiri could chastise him for being a pessimist, he continued. "And my mother died of cancer—a very bad disease—when I was younger. And my father… he and I didn't agree on much."

Neytiri didn't say anything, only gazed at the beautifully clear water in front of them. She wrapped her tail around his in an unspoken effort to comfort him. "What else?"

Jake thought for a moment, reflecting on his life on Earth. It seemed like just a series of nightmares that he knew were all too horrible and real to be fake. But he also recognized the pleasant memories. Him and Tom playing as kids, his graduation, and when he passed his recruit training.

He remembered the food, the cultures—or what was left of them, post nuclear war. He also recalled having an unhealthy love for coffee. He chuckled to himself at that, causing Neytiri to glance at him incredulously. "What is so funny?"

"I miss coffee," He answered.

"Cough-E?" Neytiri pondered, tripping over the foreign syllables. Her English was credible, but no one is perfect.

Jake realized that she had no idea what he was talking about. "It's a drink, made from a plant. It gives you energy, but you can get hooked on it." He caught himself using human slang, and clarified. "Your mind thinks it needs it. You get addicted?" He was taking shots in the dark trying to make Neytiri understand the not-so-necessary life force of most humans.

"That still doesn't make sense." Neytiri stated flatly, quickly losing her patience because of her lack of comprehension.

"Then I'll show you," Jake answered, a comical idea forming in his head. "Come on."

They flew on Toruk to the modified Hell's Gate, where the remaining humans kept a portion of the base running. The expansive concrete landing platform gave the giant crimson Toruk plenty of room to land. He shrieked in discontent when his claws landed on the rough, flat surface that gave him no traction. Jake sent him a calming thought before dismounting and leading Neytiri to the buildings.

They went to the small chamber where the avatars would first get connected. The door was gone, so Jake and Neytiri strode up to the thick glass window separating them from the link center.

Max was lounging at one of the desks, dragging virtual playing cards across a holo-pad to win a game of solitaire. Jake knocked on the glass a few times to get his attention. The middle-aged scientist looked up and grinned at Jake, making his way over to the intercom.

"Hey, Jake. Hey, Neytiri." He spoke into the microphone.

Jake greeted him through the other microphone, while Neytiri nodded to Max politely. "Max, you guys got any coffee left?"

Max seemed confused, but said, "Yeah, but not much. Norm's taken an unhealthy liking to it. But, we don't have anything but maintenance to do around here nowadays…"

"Could you get me some?" Jake asked, just as Norm entered the link center.

"Max, is my avatar—oh, hey Jake," He said, noticing the two visitors mid-sentence. He returned his attention to the scientist. "Is my avatar ready yet?" His voice was like background static because he wasn't speaking directly into the mike.

Max rubbed his temples and turned to face Norm. "Like I told you the day before yesterday," he began, agitated, "it won't be usable for another two weeks. _At least._ And even then, you won't be doing anything too strenuous."

Norm nodded. "What are you doing here, Jake?" He asked.

"Could you go get me some coffee?"

"For you? I don't know what affect it will have on an avatar body…" He told them. Whether this was true, or he just wanted to keep it to himself, Jake couldn't be sure.

"As I recall, Grace had experimented with that with her own avatar, and she was fine. Just makes them jitterier." Max interjected, smirking at Norm.

"Uh, alright. I'll be right back." Norm told them before he left the room.

"Is it really _that_ tiring being a Na'vi, Jake?" Max asked him after Norm had left.

"It isn't for me. I wanted to show it to Neytiri." Jake explained. Max looked incredulous. "Long story." Jake mumbled, just loud enough for Max to hear him.

Norm re-entered, holding a giant mug, steam rising from it. He reached the air lock and put on an exo-pack. Then he handed the mug to Jake, who passed it to Neytiri.

At first she stared at it, then at Jake, and then back at the strange brown liquid. Jake put just below her nose, where she could smell it. "It smells… interesting." Neytiri said, inhaling the drink's scent. "But not bad." She took it from Jake and raised it to her lips.

Neytiri took one small sip of the coffee and nearly gagged. She cursed in Na'vi, before nearly dropping the mug. She glared at Jake, who was sniggering under his breath with Norm at her reaction. "That is awful."

A few seconds later, Jake watched as Neytiri's eyes went wide and her pupils dilated, nearly taking up the entire iris of her eye. Her tail twitched back and forth erratically and her ears perked forward.

Then a grin spread across her face. "I feel I have so much energy!" She said quickly, tripping over the English words. But she abandoned the language and reverted to her native tongue, finding that it was easier to speak rapidly that way. _"Come on, Jake! Let us go outside!"_ She grabbed his wrist and pulled him to the door.

Jake glanced back at Norm, who was suppressing laughter watching Neytiri jacked up on caffeine. Jake, on the other hand, didn't think it was funny. _Maybe that wasn't the best idea_, he thought._ If that was only one sip, I can't imagine would have happened if she'd liked it enough to drink more._

Neytiri lead him outside, where the day was reaching its middle, and the heat was strong. _"We should race!"_ Neytiri told him. No sooner had he comprehended what she'd said, she was sprinting through the rows of unkempt Pandoran plants grown for the avatars.

"Wait!" Jake shouted, sprinting after her. Neytiri had always been faster than him, and very agile and swift. But with the artificial energy, she was just a blur in front of Jake as he struggled to keep her in his sight. Her laughter floated back to his ears as she continued to run.

Jake's sides burned and knotted with cramps, and his feet were becoming heavy and clumsy. But still Neytiri ran. "Holy shit," he muttered, finally giving up and leaning over, resting his hands on his knees.

Jake walked himself back to the Hometree, keeping his eyes and ears open for any sign of his hyper mate. He finally found himself where he had started: on the banks of the crystaline river outside the Omatikaya's home. But now he was at the top of the short waterfall, the mist spreading out below him like a foggy blanket.

He leaned over the edge slightly to stare into the water. Suddenly, though, he was shoved, and found himself falling down towards the water below. Luckily, the fall was short, and the pool was deep, so he just straightened his legs and held his breath. His weight dragged him to the bottom, where he pushed off and rocketed for the surface.

He gasped for air, blinking water from his eyes. He spun around wildly to look for the culprit at the top of the falls. Sure enough, Neytiri was crouching on the ledge, watching him with a childish grin. "Neytiri!" He yelled at her, angered by her careless antics.

This only made her jump off into the water. She disappeared below the surface, only to emerge a few seconds later. She shook her head, water dripping from her long, braided hair.

"That wasn't funny," Jake told her, his ears flat against his skull.

Neytiri looked disappointed. _"You were not hurt,"_ she told him defiantly.

"Still," he said, "it wasn't funny."

She swam towards him, coming within his reach. Then, giggling, she splashed him with water. He forgot about being mad and did the same to her. Neytiri yelled playfully and swam away, and Jake followed her. He grabbed her tail and pulled her back.

Their games continued for the rest of the day, with Jake struggling to keep up with Neytiri's rapid speech and jittery, hyper actions. He was just as tired as she was when night was settling in, and the effect of the caffeine wore off.

**Moral of the Story:**** Never, **_**ever, **_**give a Na'vi coffee. Ever.**

**So, what do you think? Review if you like it! :D**


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